Linkin Park is not a good band for me to listen to even though I love them. A lot of their songs bring back memories I'd rather forget. They are one of those bands that "if I could've wrote that song, I would've."                                                                      

                                                                     "Easier To Run"

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

[Chorus]
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
It's so much simpler than change

[Chorus]
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

It's easier to run
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made)
It's easier to go
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

Poem "Yesterday"

Yesterday

 

Her name is Yesterday.

He takes her places.

Includes her.

Likes doing things with her.

Enjoys being with her.

 

While I am left behind.

Not included.

Feelings not considered.

 

Me & her & her & me

are one & the same.

                                      She is Liquideve and

                                          I am Yesterday.

 

                                       My name is Yesterday.

                                       He use to take me places.

                                      Include me.

                                       Had fun being with me.

 

                                       I was never left behind.

                                        Today I am.

                                      Yesterday I wasn't.

 

                                                        Veronica Essiker

                                                                                                        Liquideve

                                                        5-18-2008



Poem - "Liquidisms"

 

Liquidisms

 

I don't desire,

require,

know,

consider

what you think.

So you can generally

just go screw,

fuck,

fornicate,

copulate,

yourself.

Because you can't provoke

guilt & shame from one

so enraged..from

the inside out.

Don't mess with fire because

you're bound to get burned.

Consider this your lesson learned.

Don't turn on one who stands

by your side.

Honor, loyalty is a safer ride.

 

By "Liquideve" (Veronica)

June 23, 2007

Poem "The Beat My Heart Skipped"

 

 

The Beat My Heart Skipped

 

Since day one of my memory

my existence into puberty

I have always marched to my own beat.

And since that exact same day - I've

   always.....

   eventually....

once they get to know me.....

 

been the outcast of the group, unaccepted,

the outsider, the left out, the excluded,

the one not told, clueless as to what's

going on or talked about, the rejected,

the misfit (of the misfits, no less!)

 

They throw words like "anit-social"

or "standoff-ish" like they know me on

the inside (analyze this!)

for if they truly did, they'd throw

words like "self-conscious", "social anxiety",

"fear of not being like or accepted for who I am".

 

Whatever happened to unconditional love & acceptance?

I've always marched to my own beat.

 

For most, a beat is in regards to music.

Has your heart ever skipped a beat?

That beat right there (That NON-beat) is what

I march to.

Maybe that's my problem.

I march to a beat that, if you look at it,

doesn't even exist.

 

I march to nothing.

(so stop marching, idiot!)

*

Veronica

May 2008

 

 

Poem: "The Difference Is"

 

 

 

 

The Difference Is

 

I really don't want to be alone.

I just want to be left alone.

Please stay here with me.

But stay at a distance.

You say I act as if I could

care less whether you're around

 

But.....

 

There's a difference between

being alone and

being lonely.

So, please stay here.

Just stay away.

 

*

 

Veronica  aka  Liquideve

6-17-06

Sat. Morning

Poem: "GNAWING"



The Banshee - DeBernardis/or Cleavenger?

Gnawing

 

There's something else here

I can hear it day & night,

week after month after year.

Never ending.

 

Gnawing away - inside me.

Eating away - inside me.

Whatever it is, it never goes away.

It never rests.

Even when I sleep, it's wide awake.

Gnawing away - inside my soul.

Eating away - inside my soul.

Like a set of demented teeth

chomping blindly around my

darkened soul.

 

It robs me of my ability to feel.

Feel any true love, true happiness, true goodness.

Casting a cloud over me and

filling me with a void.

 

I try to unzip myself in hopes

the "teeth" will gnaw itself

right out of me, but, instead,

more unwanted things slither into me.

So I zip myself back up and

the gnawing goes on -

week after month after year.

*

5-29-2006

Veronica "Liquideve" Essiker

Free ASCA Survivor To Thriver Guidebook for Survivors

.
FREE! ASCA SURVIVOR TO THRIVER MANUAL -
 115 pg manual . An essential guidebook for any survivor of  any type of
child abuse or neglect. Transform from victim, to survivor, to thriver.